Morning Dew

Free from the bonds of debt!

...well, there's still about $35,000 + to go, but this week I paid off ONE of my student loans! Now that's reason to celebrate, isn't it!?
I feel I've reached a new level of "adulthood"... but maybe not. (Who knows, the amount may grow even more if I decide to go back to school someday... sheesh.)
At least I can say that I DID accomplish something in Korea... I know I've complained a lot about my current situation, but it's so hard to be positive in an atmosphere where positive attitudes are "cast out to sea" and friendship in the work place is frowned upon; when your students don't show any improvement and you ask, "Why am I here? Am I really a "teacher"? Am I even any good at what I'm doing????" Life is a confusing thing at times... don't you think? I have gone through high school and university, planning to be a teacher - someone who can challenge students minds and influence children in a positive way, especially in a "world" where "togetherness" and community are growing less and less common and where often parents don't even know how there kids are doing. Being here has told me that I do like teaching (regardless of the poor work conditions), and where before I thought, "No way! I'm not going to like teaching young kids" now I think that it would be a great "career" to choose. But... there is so much more that I'm interested in. How does a person "choose" what to do with their life, especially after escaping a certain kind of western reality? Now that the end is coming soon, that question looms bigger, and bigger, and BIGGER in front of my face, and even though I'm excited to be back at home, the uncertainty terrifies me... like the big, open, mysterious ocean. I am one teeny, tiny person in this INCREDIBLY HUGE world, where I often view my life choices as not having much significance...but maybe they do and I just don't want to face the "consequences" or "benefits." It's true that running away from problems (I'm REALLY good at that) is easier to do, and this is what I often do, than being brave and telling myself that I can DEAL with the uncertainties, etc. Maybe these fears are a kind of debt and I am anything but free? Financially free, well, getting closer, yes, but what about emotionally, spiritually, etc? Those are the "freedoms" that matter more, aren't they? Where you are not kept in a shell because of your own personal fears?
Well, how's that? I was only going to write the first exciting few sentences, and it's turned into a "self-searching" journal of sorts, with absolutely no resolution on my part (like a 4-3 suspension in a creative, unpredicatable piece of music, where your ear wants to and longs to hear the resolution, but it never does and you are left in a state of tension... you walk away from the music, but in your head you keep singing "4-resolves to 3, 4-resolves to 3, 4-resolves to 3... it has to, it has to, it HAS to!")
To close, here's a quote from some music lyrics that I am listening to right now... kind of fitting:

"I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapour in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling, You catch me when I'm falling
You told me who I am, I am Yours."

*These photos were taken by Andrea when I wasn't really aware... she was preparing to take a picture, and I was "preparing" to be captured, only to realize that she had captured the entire process! Hee Hee!*

posted by Esul... morning dew @ 7:27 p.m. 9 comments

The sky... if you can call it that!

So, here's an example of the sky I was referring to in my last blog... prepare yourself; maybe you want to get a pollution mask just to view the pics!

The sky makes you think it was a cloudy, misty day, but... WRONG-O! It was sunny and about a billion degress hot!

Here's another example of the air quailty...
So, the story: We had a day off yesterday and thought we'd be productive and do some sightseeing... well the hike we decided to do turned out to be longer than 5 hours and we had thought it was only two hours...oopsy... we were totally unprepared! No water, no food...it got a little tense towards the end, but we finished the hike and then pigged out all nite on food and water!
In spite of the poor planning, we had a good time. We went with the new couple at our school, Robyn and Marko. It was great to hide away from the city and spend some time in the mountains... the hiking here is quite beautiful; only wish I liked hiking a bit more ;)
Well, today is back to work and there's no more "holidays" until the end of July! BLAH! Hope I can make it.

posted by Esul... morning dew @ 7:58 p.m. 5 comments

On the bus

I was on my way to work this afternoon; the sun was out, and you could actually see the sky - I often forget that the sky is blue because it's mostly yellow/gray/pink/brown - ish colours... eek!
The wind was warm and cool at the same time, but it was the kind of wind that makes you feel happy!
I got on the bus, and I thought, "Man it smells good on here!" I thought that I was just smelling myself as I was wearing some new cosmetic products (also another GREAT way to start your day! Aveda+MAC=morning "make over!") that I bought yesterday. (I used gift certificates, don't worry Mom... I'm not spending ALL my money!)
Then I looked over and saw this lady carrying this gorgeous flower boquet... It smelled soooo delicious, like lillies, which I think have one of the best flower smells! It was the best trip to school that I've had all year. It was a great way to start the work day :) Too often I'm always in such a rush that I get to school and everything annoys me or brings me down... or worse, BOTH!
Anyway, that's all I wanted to say... Sorry that this isn't some detailed description of some wacky adventures. I haven't had too much time to "explore."


OH! Here's one... Andrea and I went to the Busan Aquarium the other week. It was pretty fun, except these CREEPY, and very bad smelling, Korean speaking Russians kept following us around! UCK! This wasn't the most spectacular thing to see, but it makes a good photo :)

posted by Esul... morning dew @ 4:39 a.m. 2 comments